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Be Not Afraid

by Packwood

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1.
Oh my god I’m not ready To share My life With you Or anyone Oh my god I can’t stop Drinking now I don’t want To know Anything Climb up My glass Into My head Hold me I’ve been looking at it For four years And I still don’t know What it is I can’t write about it I was gone The whole Time And the months Will add themselves While I’m wall eyed Tonight And every night And I’m calling To the void - The void calls back To me I’m paralysed I’ve been looking at it For four years And I still don’t know What it is I don’t know How to Begin Again Again I’ve been hooked on thinking It’s easier not to look And I don’t care for caring Or for being Cared for Oh my god Oh my god This feeling swallowed Me whole My body is A haunted house
2.
I can see So far I can see The whole backyard I can see So far I can see The neighbours house Driving home Long drive from the coast Mum showed me where Flannel flowers grow Felt our car Pull in to the drive I kept eyes closed Carried inside You told me how The stars go on forever That are there things we’ll never know and to count after lightning To know how far away It struck My friend Mike’s Head struck by that rock We both threw them My aim truer In the park A magpie swooped my head I flew home as scared as she was You taught me how I could be anything at all So I became a dinosaur Wearing flannel flowers In her hair I hope death Is like coming home Over the Blue Mountains Stopping for chips I hope death Is like coming home Back to the yard With the tall smooth tree Mum and dad Will say come inside But I’ll climb So I can see I can see So far I can see The whole backyard I can see So far I can see The neighbours house I can see The world pulling back No magpie Will ever find me I can see So far I don’t need to know What comes next I hope death Is like coming home Carried into bed Knowing I am loved
3.
The mess Is spreading out I've lost My keys Again My thoughts A questing horror Why did I come Into This room I fear My thoughts Have become A listless Eldritch beast Impotent Omnipotential I am afraid To make amends For all of The ill portents Spelling out My mistakes Ideas Flash and fade Like sizzling In a pan Empires Of maybe then Perennial lists Are growing Roots now Are decades deep An inflorescence Avoidance fed Impotent Omnipotential I am afraid To make amends For all of The ill portents Spelling out My mistakes Do not be afraid! Behold! Know that all is unmade We come from nowhere And go back Do not be afraid! Do not be afraid
4.
In Spring With your back to me Humming, cutting Carefully casting Chamomile flowers Into a net To be dried in the cupboard Then kept in an old jar In Autumn Missing you I open the jar lid - A heady rush of spring! You're away for work The dog is snoring I make the tea too hot I drink it anyway My chest is filled By a memory I’m Feeling my heart Caught in my throat Missing you No space between Spaces between My chest is filled By a memory I’m Feeling my heart Caught in my throat Missing you No space between Spaces between
5.
Entanglement 05:33
World of belonging Feast of loveliest green Firm among the light Wild in the glen All of that and then A ringing Pale of Brightness I’m not Afraid Of Death But for The dust And the Stillness All that is well And alive Tangled up Tightly spun Warmed by the sun Stirred by the wind Lit from within And dispersed A ringing Pale of Brightness I’m not Afraid Of Death But for The dust And the Stillness I’m not afraid I’m not afraid I’m not afraid I’m not afraid I’m not afraid I’m not afraid I’m not afraid I’m not afraid I’m not afraid I’m not afraid I’m not afraid I’m not afraid I’m not afraid I’m not afraid I’m not afraid

about

Eight years since the release of the ambitious and expansive Vertumnus, Packwood returns with 'Be Not Afraid' - its predecessor’s twin flame.

In the time between releases a lot has changed. The pandemic brought the crashing down of the world as we knew it. And for Packwood, the forced pause arrived in the second act of an existential crisis that began when Vertumnus ended. The creation of that album was a gargantuan task, and its conclusion marked the beginning of a creative collapse. The years following Vertumnus were empty of new music or inspiration - what the artist now recognises as “autistic burnout”. So, with the lockdowns of 2020-2022 Bayden Hine, like many others, was granted the space to examine truths standing between him and this new release.

The narrative of the EP follows a personal introspection. The opening track deals with body horror and an acknowledgement of addiction (Haunted House), but travelling through the five tracks are themes of nostalgia (Flannel Flowers), love (Chamomile Tea) and neurodiversity (Be Not Afraid). Finally, in Entanglement, peace is found in acceptance (and hope for finding loved ones post-death, somewhere out there in the quantum foam).

Where Vertumnus was musically and thematically expansive, 'Be Not Afraid' is intimate, both in scale and subject. Instead of the full orchestra and choir that fans will be familiar with, 'Be Not Afraid' was written and recorded in small rooms with close friends. Vertumnus concerned itself with a global environmental crisis, but 'Be Not Afraid' explores the complicated terrain of personal crisis. The EP is a vulnerable confessional, our darkest thoughts in our most fearful moment; our insecurities, our fragile hopes - all leading to the last words of the final track: “I’m not afraid.”

credits

released September 29, 2023

All songs written by Bayden Packwood Hine
Arrangements and orchestrations by Harry Cook

Produced by Bayden Packwood Hine & Harry Cook

Recorded and engineered by Joshua Barber at his beautiful studio in Mollongghip between January and July of 2023

Mastered by Lachlan Carrick at Bakers Road, Melbourne
'Be Not Afraid' Atmos Mix by Lachlan Carrick

Harry Cook plays piano and keyboards on "Haunted House", "Flannel Flowers", "Be Not Afraid", "Chamomile Tea" and "Entanglement"

Joshua Barber plays vibraphone, electric bass and percussion

Georgie Darvidis sings on "Flannel Flowers" and "Be Not Afraid"

Harry Cook, Bayden Hine, Charlotte Nicdao and Joshua Barber sing background vocals on "Flannel Flowers"

Everything else performed by Bayden Packwood Hine

Strings and woodwinds recorded in March at The Aviary Recording Studios, Abbotsford, Melbourne

Madeleine Jevons on violin
Biddy Connor on viola
Charlotte Jacke on cello
Callum Mintzis on trombone
Flora Carbo on saxophone
Niran Jay Dasika on trumpet
Ryan Williams on recorder

All original artwork, painting, layout and design by Bayden Packwood Hine

In addition to being a supremely talented musician, Harry Cook is also an incredibly kind and compassionate person. Without his patience and friendship this record would not exist. I will treasure this experience always.

Lastly, thank you to Charlotte Nicdao, for helping me to find my voice over and over and over and over again. You are my North Star, and I could never hope to fully describe the measure of your kindness and love, that seemingly stretches out to infinite in all directions.

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about

Packwood Melbourne, Australia

Musician Bayden Hine has been performing under his middle name, Packwood, since 2010. In his new release Be Not Afraid, Packwood presents a reflection of the inner chaos so many Millennials grapple with, divulging his own personal journey with addiction and autism / ADHD, through poetic melodies and the occasional appearance of terrifying divine beings. ... more

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